It’s important for you and your partner to take good care of yourselves as you grieve. Be sure that you take care of your health during this time.
Share Your Feelings and Talk About Your Baby
- Talk about your baby and your feelings with your partner, family and friends.
- Talk to your healthcare provider.
- Talk to a grief counselor. This is a person with special training to help people deal with their grief. Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to someone other than your family and friends.
- Talk to your religious or spiritual leader. Your spiritual beliefs may be a comfort to you during this time. Go to your place of worship, such as a church, synagogue or mosque. Your funeral home may also offer support for grieving families.
- Join a support group. This is a group of people who have the same kind of concerns or experience. They meet to share their feelings and try to help each other. Parents in a support group can understand what you’re going through, and help you feel that you are not alone.
- Read books and poems, or listen to music that you like and find comforting.
- You may already have baby things, like clothes, blankets and furniture. Leave them where they are until you feel ready to put them away.
- Try not to make big changes in your life (like moving to a new place or taking a new job) right after your baby dies. Wait a few months before you make changes like these. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your baby.
Do Something in Memory of Your Baby
- Plan a special memorial service to remember your baby. Your hospital or other community organization may have a service each year that you can go to.
- Write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. You can even write letters or poems to your baby.
- Make an album or memory box with keepsakes of your baby, like photos, a hospital bracelet, or a blanket.
- Plant flowers or a tree in honor of your baby.
- Wear special jewelry with a charm or birthstone that reminds you of your baby.
- Make a donation to a local group in memory of your baby and to support other parents who may be experiencing a similar situation. Get help if needed as you grieve.
Develop a Support Team
- Ask your friends and family for help. Tell them exactly what they can do for you. Ask them to help with childcare, go grocery shopping, make meals or just spend time with you.
- Ask the hospital social worker for help dealing with medical, insurance and funeral bills.
- Ask your provider for help if you think you are depressed.
Signs of Depression
Everyone feels sad and blue sometimes. It is very common to have changes in your mood after the birth of a baby, and many of these can also be normal signs of grief:
- Weepiness, crying often
- Impatience, irritability, or restlessness
- Feeling anxious
- Fatigue, trouble sleeping
- Poor concentration
Talking about these emotions, changes, and challenges is one of the best ways to cope.
If your feelings of sadness are really strong, last for a long time, and prevent you from leading your normal life, you may need to talk to someone about depression. These are some signs to watch for:
- Feeling hopeless or overwhelmed
- Feeling guilty or worthless
- Constant worry, or always feeling fearful
- Having little interest in activities or hobbies you used to enjoy
- Feeling tired all the time
- Having trouble sleeping or eating
- Pulling away from family or friends
- Having trouble making decisions
- Thinking about hurting yourself
What you can do:
- Do you be afraid to ask for help, information, support.
- Tell your doctor if you think you have any of the signs of depression. There are things you and your provider can do to help you feel better.
- Call Postpartum Support International at 1-800-944-4773 to talk with someone, or visit their website at https://postpartum.net/
- Call AR ConnectNow at 1-800-482-9921
- Make an appointment to talk with a counselor. A list of counseling providers is available here.
- Take time to care for yourself.
- Talk to other families who have been through this.
You can view and download additional information and resources here: