How do you say good-bye to not only a dream, but a part of you? How do you say good-bye to one so young and small, who lived such a short time – perhaps only in the mother’s womb?
There is no one right way for you to say your good-bye. This is a time when your choices and needs should be met. This is your opportunity to do what would brings you comfort.
You may want to name your baby. Parents have given names even when the loss occurs very early in the pregnancy. The name you choose for your baby should be one that comes from your heart. The name may be one that you had considered as soon as you knew you were pregnant, or you may change your mind. Whatever name you choose should come from deep within your heart because that name deep in your heart will always be baby’s name. Part of giving baby a name helps to create an identity for him or her. If the sex of your baby is not known, you can choose one that would fit either one. Again, if your heart tells you that your baby is a girl for example, choose a name for a girl.
Sometimes parents write their baby a letter, poem or song as a way of saying good-bye. Siblings may choose to draw the baby a picture. These can be very private ways of saying good-bye, or they can be part of the memorial service for the baby. Many parents express a sense of peace of having some formal way of communicating their feelings to their baby. Another way a parent or family may honor their baby is by planting trees or flowers as a symbol of the love they had hoped to give.
Planning A Service
- You can hold a memorial service at your house.
- You can arrange your own private memorial service at any funeral home.
- You can join in a group ceremony provided by UAMS and Roller Funeral Homes (free of charge) and your baby will be honored at the Love Lives Memorial garden.
Keepsakes and mementos are often hard to look at or accept at the time that your baby dies. Pictures are one type of keepsake that may be difficult to think about. Many parents often refuse pictures at the time that their baby dies only to regret it later. Your baby can be photographed with your consent. Your nurse will discuss this with you. Other keepsakes include a baby ID bracelet, footprints, a lock of baby’s hair, the blanket or clothes that your baby wore when you held him or her. If the baby’s clothes and blanket become soiled, you may be offered a new set instead. You can decide which set of clothes you wish to keep. You will receive a memory box to put keepsakes in.
More Ideas for Parents
- Create a special “memory box” containing such things as the hospital mementos, sympathy cards, special gifts, personal notes or a diary of your feelings about your baby and this experience.
- Plant flowers or a tree in honor of the baby.
- Make a list of loving things that come your way.
- Wear a charm.
- Have the baby’s birthstone set in a ring.
- Have the baby’s name written in a special place.
- Buy a special Christmas tree ornament in memory of your loved one.
- Plan a special service if there is no burial.
- Find a support group.